


Grapes

by scumbaganarchy



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Crack, Inspired By Tumblr, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 00:14:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22954657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scumbaganarchy/pseuds/scumbaganarchy
Summary: Rick and Vyvyan are watching TV and Rick wants attention. Because he's Rick.
Relationships: Vyvyan Basterd/Rick (Young Ones)
Kudos: 15





	Grapes

**Author's Note:**

> This is very short and based on a bad imagine from Tumblr that I was going to link... but unfortunately I can't find it. Anyhow, the general idea gave off Rivyan vibes to me. XD
> 
> *This is also available in the first issue of the TYO fanzine 'Scumbag Monthly'.*

Cliff knows where the grapes had come from or how Rick and Vyvyan had gotten their hands on them.

It felt oddly sophisticated to be eating grapes off a plate – albeit a chipped and not entirely clean plate – whilst watching _The Bastard Squad_. At least, it did to Rick. He was draped rather dramatically over Vyvyan, hoping sooner or later his bored sighs and subtle tracing of fingers along the punk’s forearm, then upper arm, then knee, then thigh, then- he wasn’t going to stoop that low! His boyfriend should have been able to pry his eyes away from his dreadful programme for one moment!

Rick sucked on another grape, trying to come across as provocative and seductive – he actually resembled an idiot sucking his cheeks in like a fish, about five seconds from tumbling off the sofa and to the floor. Still no response. This was getting ridiculous!

“Vyv?”

“Hm?”

He wasn’t even _looking_ at Rick! The poet swallowed his grape and reached for another.

“Vyvyan, are you even aware of my presence at all? Or is that reactionary propaganda more important to you?” he stropped.

“Yeah, yeah… later, maybe…”

Rick scowled. This wasn’t fair! How could he get his attention? Clearly, this would require skill. He was about to pop the latest grape into his mouth and chew it vengefully when the thought occurred – of course!

“Never mind…” Rick dismissed Vyvyan’s previous comments with a wave of the hand, one that nearly sent him plummeting to the dusty floor below.

He smiled smarmily up at his boyfriend; the kind of smile that, had Vyvyan been paying attention, would have been easily identified by the punk as troublesome, not to mention extremely annoying. Rick made a big show – which Vyvyan didn’t watch – of going to put another grape in his mouth and then, at the last second, launched it at the punk’s face.

 _BOING_.

It bounced off Vyvyan’s nose, rolling away into the depths of the shared house’s mess. Predictably, Rick started giggling. Vyvyan blinked and finally looked down at him.

“Hello there, _love of my life_ ,” Rick teased him, “How nice to have you back on planet earth.”

Vyvyan suddenly grabbed a handful of grapes and flung them down at Rick. Nine times out of ten, these would have all hit and Rick would have stormed off like the petulant child he was… this was that _one_ _other_ _time_. This time Rick realised in the split second before the juicy missiles were fired what was about to happen and yelped, ducking to the right to escape.

The grapes splattered against the floor with some force, instantly becoming mush. _The Bastard Squad_ raged on in the background.

“Did you just… _miss me_?” Rick asked incredulously, “You did, didn’t you? _You_ missed _me_!”

“Rick-”

“Vyvyan Basterd – finally, after all this time – has been outsmarted by a _ruddy grape_!”

The poet burst out laughing, almost crying with mirth. Due to this, he didn’t quite notice the way his boyfriend’s lip was beginning to curl nor the clenching of his fists.

“Rick, I’m warning you-”

“It’s just brilliant!”

“ _Rick_!”

“Oh, just _wait_ ‘til I tell Mike-”

That was it. To be fair, Vyvyan _had_ _tried_ to warn the silly prick.

The simmering punk lifted the plate and smashed it swiftly over Rick’s head before the poet could cry out in protest. The remaining grapes flew in every direction: some joining their fallen brethren on the floor, some galivanting off into unknown territory. The plate broke apart around Rick’s head with a satisfying crack.

“ _Ow_ …” Rick winced.

Vyvyan grinned and went back to watching _The Bastard Squad_. Truth be told, he did notice his boyfriend slump off the sofa into the mush of grapes below… he just couldn’t really be bothered to do anything about it. Besides, Rick’s bottom was now stuck up in the air and it made for nice viewing.

And they had been meaning to buy a footstool.


End file.
